The Total Makeover

Identity Lost

When was the first time you realized that people didn't notice you anymore? When the people that you are around frequently only reply to you as your children's mom or your husband's wife? I will never forget when this first started happening to me. Frankly, this truly bothered me.

I was never the one that was extremely popular growing up and I was always known as my brother's sister to all those that never took the time to get to know who I was. Now, my identity was again in question. It was at this moment that I realized that I had lost sight of me – the woman. I had begun to hide behind my responsibilities and used them as an excuse to not take time for myself. I had not realized that my self-esteem had taken a nose dive.

Many women often feel the same way more often then we know. They have lost sight of the woman they once was or the woman that they had hoped to be some day. They stopped dreaming and gave in to just living to make it through the day. They hide behind taking care of husband, children and home. They even find themselves taking on more at work just to forget about lost time.

Women like to be respected and noticed. They want to be recognized and appreciated. When they don't receive these things they begin to hide behind their responsibilities hoping they will be recognized for a job well done. When this does not happen they slowly lose the 'woman' from the inside out.

Sometimes it is hard to find your identity once it is lost, but it is not impossible. Some women may feel that because they are of a certain age that it is too late to find the woman on the inside of them. So not true! If you start with some of the tips below you can be on your way to finding that woman.

• Search Yourself – Sometimes we don't take the time to sit and search ourselves. Find out what type of woman you are and woman that you always wanted to be.
• Find Your Passion – What are some things that excite you? Anything that gets you excited or that you feel strong passion for is worth exploring.
• Take time for you – I can't say this enough and I will say it over and over again until it sinks in. Taking time for you is a vital component to maintaining sanity in an insane world.

Take my advice and find the woman in you!

 

Getting Back to Sexy

One thing I have learned, after having children it is hard to get back to sexy. I laugh when I look back at all the time I wasted not feeling sexy. This may not be an issue for you, but I know after having three children, being married for 14 years, gaining weight and being a stay-at-home mom getting back to sexy was an added responsibility.

This responsibility became more of a burden every day. As I worked to keep my husband happy, children pleased and maintain the house, sexy was just not on the top of my list of task. I fell into a rut and the deeper I was in it the harder it was to get out. I became comfortable with my oversized clothes, jogging outfits, flats, and moo moo's. This was definitely not who I was before I got married and not what attracted my husband to me. Can you imagine the things that were going through his head as I slowly slipped into his mother?

Just let me say, I love my mother-in-law and have nothing against her style of dress, but I'm sure my husband didn't want to lie next to a replica of his mother at night. He wanted that woman that turned him on when we were dating and the woman that continued after we said "I do" – you know, before the children.

Here are some things you can do to slowly get back to sexy:

• Get rid of the moo moo's – I laugh at this because these were the very words my husband said to me as I showed him what his mom had given me. I thought they were nice, big and comfortable. This is what I looked for when lounged around the house after a long day. Oversized clothing does not necessarily mean comfort. You can find clothing that fit nicely, compliment your curves and still maintain comfort.
• Pamper Yourself – When we become wives and mothers we often put our needs or wants on the back burner. We spend our time taking care of others and neglect ourselves. Take time to get your hair done, get a manicure and pedicure. Doing these things can make you feel good and look good.

Getting back to sexy will take some time, but with time and effort you will be Back to Sexy in no time!

The Woman in You

Growing up my mother always told me to be an individual and stop trying to be like everyone else. As little girls we try to fit in so we would be noticed by others. We try to get in with the "In Crowd" to become popular. This meant that we needed to be more like that crowd – do what they did, dress like they dressed and talk like they talked. In doing these things we decreased the ability to develop who we were from the inside out.

It is so important to take the time to develop a healthy self-esteem, self-image and build confidence in you as an individual. Finding that woman on the inside is vital to inner happiness and peace. Finding the woman in you is about embracing the person that you were made to be. It is accepting your unique qualities and welcoming the difference that makes you distinctive.

Where is the woman in you? Is she crying to get out? Is she hidden behind a lifetime of disappointments and failures? Is she lost in the - should've could've would've? It's time to find that woman again and give her life. Stop waiting for things to just happen. You have to get up and make things happen. You have to start with taking your life back – building your self-esteem, transforming your self-image and boosting your self-confidence.

Here are some things you might consider:

1. Stop the pity parties – there's no time to waddle in the pool of disappointments and failures. There is nothing you can do about the past. Move on and start a new chapter in your life.
2. Look good, feel good – Start changing how you view yourself by working on your appearance. Invest in some pampering. This is always a good tool in transforming your self- image.
3. Find your passion – look inside yourself and find what makes you excited. Take that passion and increase your knowledge. When you're passionate about something you are eager to learn.

These are just a few tidbits to start with as you work to find the Woman in You!

Where Does a Bad Self-Image Come From?

As I have said before, what we think of ourselves can be traced back to the special people in our lives mainly our parents. The sins of our parents can have negative consequences in the lives of their children. (Reference: Exodus 20:5)

The numerous stories of adults who as children were exposed to parental rejection, neglect, alcoholism drug addiction, and physical and emotional abuse illustrate this point. Because children are so forgiving these things they are rarely able to escape the effects of a negligent parent. When these children grow up and experience some of these same things as adults they often struggle for the rest of their lives trying to feel good about themselves. Children that have never experienced love sometimes spend their entire lives, consciously or unconsciously, doing everything in their power to avoid being hurt again.

    People that fear rejection, often retreat into the darkness of depression, drug dependency, sexual promiscuity, and or unreasonable fears. Other's run from emotional intimacy and meaningful relationships for fear of being rejected again. The pain of running can cause a person to feel worse about themselves. The self-esteem of that person continues to decline. They began to feel bad and behave worse. Then begin to feel worse about the things they have done.

Do you agree with this post?

Did you find yourself in the descriptions given?

If yes, are you ready for a change?

The Beauty Within

It seems that these days almost everyone is focused on physical beauty. Someone's intelligence, personality, or status is all perceived by their outward appearance. So where does inner beauty fit in?

 This is a subject that I have thought long and hard about.  What is beauty?    According to the dictionary beauty is defined as: The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.  As I sat and thought about this definition - the quality that gives pleasure, I began to break it down.  Let’s define what quality is: A personal trait, especially a character trait.  When add the definition of quality to the definition of beauty it would read something like this: Beauty – the personal trait or character trait that gives pleasure to the mind or senses.

When you look at the new definition we have given to beauty you can see exactly where beauty comes from – it comes from within.  Have you ever met a person that was so appealing to the eye and when you really get to know them their personality is so horrible that they begin to look ugly on the outside?  You may not believe this but, the true beauty of a person depends a lot on their character.  Have you ever met a person that was not so good looking but, they have the most amazing personality?  This person may not have started off looking good to you, but after you get to know them they begin to look a whole lot better.

We all have beauty within, however, whether or not we're aware of it or utilize it is up to us. Inner beauty is something that's profoundly more important than physical beauty. It's something that you must nurture and cherish.

 When you develop your inner beauty, your physical beauty seems to miraculously improve as well!

 Here are some strategies that can help you discover and develop your beauty within:

 1. Make an "I Love Me" list. This is a powerful tool to help you discover the beauty within yourself. Write down all of your good qualities that don't relate to something physical. Are you sweet? Sincere? Love animals and children? All these attributes and a host of others relate to your inner beauty.

 

• The process of writing out your strengths gives you tangible evidence of your great inner qualities that you might not have even been aware of.

 2. Surround yourself with those whose inner qualities you admire. Of course, they may also have physical beauty, but the reason you're drawn to them is because they're caring, loving, gentle, or otherwise admirable because of their inner qualities.

 

• When you surround yourself with these kinds of people, your own beauty within tends to shine through also. They may even point out your inner beauty to you. People like this look beyond the outer shell and focus on what's important inside.

 3. Practice and cultivate your beauty within. Most of us know how to take care of our physical beauty: we get our nails and hair done, we stay in shape, buy new clothes, and so on.

 

• Remember, when you discover and improve the beauty you have inside, physical beauty follows. Surely you've met someone and weren't attracted to their physical beauty at first glance, but once you got to know them and saw their inner beauty, they began to be more physically attractive as well.
  
  
• What can you do to bring out your beauty within? It's simple: Be you! Show beautiful qualities like compassion, love, and patience, and practice them daily.

 4. Avoid negative talk. Gossip and negative comments about others only breeds more negativity within you. Instead, focus on the good in people. Rather than saying an off-color comment about someone's appearance, put a positive spin and focus on a point of his or her inner beauty.

 

• This will help you cultivate and develop your own beauty within, also. Focusing on the positive qualities of others brings out the best in you, too! You'll also find that you'll attract people because they enjoy being around you. Attracting loving and caring friends is just icing on the cake!

 

Final Thoughts on Your Beauty Within

 The beauty you have within is unique to you. Unfortunately though, many of us don't know how to celebrate and honor it. Unleash your inner beauty to the world! Don't be afraid of it.

 Use these tips to show everyone the beauty you have on the inside and you'll gain an amazing and unshakeable self-confidence!

 

 

I Am Attractive

When I look in the mirror I am pleased with the person that looks back at me. Beauty radiates from my smile. When getting dressed, the first thing I put on every day is my smile because it is the accent accessory that completes any outfit.

I take care of my body in order to present myself attractive in every situation. I present myself with class out of love and respect for myself.

I spend time and effort on the clothes that I buy and wear. My clothes are always clean and ironed before I go out. I express myself through my clothing and I am proud of how I look. When I feel good about how I look, I glow with confidence.

My body is healthy and beautiful just the way it is. I am content with my facial features because they make me unique. I remove comparison from my mind because comparison breeds condemnation.

I refuse to be consumed with thoughts about my appearance because there is much more depth to my character than that. I give most of my attention to things beyond the flesh.

Daily, there are people who find me attractive and compliment me on my appearance. I believe others when they tell me that I am beautiful. I accept compliments easily because I believe I deserve them.

Today, I am focused on the beauty that comes from within me. I measure my beauty by who I am, inside and out.

 

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. What is my favorite physical feature?
2. What is my most beautiful personality trait?
3. How do I feel when I look presentable?

~Loving Who I am ~

Someone recently asked: "How do you learn to love yourself as God does and see yourself as He does when you hate yourself?"

As a life coach dealing in the ares of self esteem I come across this question a lot. My heart goes out to every person that feels this way. This is not an uncommon problem. It is really unfortunate when someone has a hard time seeing what God sees in them.  God made us all in His image and that makes you special.

Loving who I am is about embracing the unique qualities that make me the person I am. The media tells us every day that we need to be a certain size, color, height, etc. We have bought into society's way of thinking and have found ourselves constantly trying to live up to their standards. We have allowed this madness to infiltrate our lives and cause us to be unhappy with whom God made us.

God made each of us different with qualities. None of us are the same which makes us unique. There is no one on this earth exactly like you. If we all looked alike and acted alike this world would be a boring place to live. I like the fact that my best friends are different than me. We each gleam from the unique qualities that we have to offer.

What unique qualities make you the person you are?

What are three things you like about yourself?

What struggles do you have when it comes to loving you?

~ What Effects Our Perception of Who We Are? ~

The dictionary defines perception as the understanding, knowledge gotten by perceiving, or a specific idea, concept or impression so formed. The media and our environment play a big part in how we view ourselves. The media sells us miracle diets, exercise equipment, miracle drinks & creams. You start to compare yourself to the people you see on TV, magazines and newspaper articles.

    The environment you grew up in affects your view of yourself. It can have a negative or positive effect. Growing up in a dysfunctional home nearly always effects our perception of ourselves. Most people growing up in a severely dysfunctional home have a very poor view of themselves. No one was in the home to tell them any different so they believed what was said and what was heard.

    These negative feelings follow us throughout our whole entire lives. We grow up continuing to believe the things that were said whether it was positive or negative. Imagine what it would feel like to grow up in a home where you were always told how ugly you were or that you would never amount to anything. What about being told that you were too fat or too thin?

    When I was growing up people judged you by the color of your skin and how much you weighed. People would talk about you if you did not have the shape that society said you should have. All of this shapes our perception of ourselves. We live a life time trying to live up to these standards that are set for us by the media and other people. It's time to wake up and see ourselves for the wonderful person we are