The Total Makeover

~Stop the Pity Parties~

This was very key for me and I share out of my heart. Pity parties were what I did best. I would sit, cry and complain about everything and everyone. I blamed my mom, dad, brother, cousin, grandparents and everyone else in my life. I blamed the world for my mistakes and issues. I felt that the world owed me something and everyone in it. I did not see myself as the issue – it was everyone else around me. There is nothing worst then a person that never sees the mistakes that they make or the problems they cause. They blame the world and the people in it for every hardship and trial they face. Little do they know that they are responsible for what happened to them and they have the power to change the direction of their life.

Life is full of choices and happiness is one of them. You make your own happiness. Yes, happiness is a choice. You either choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy. You can choose to waddle in self pity or you can pick yourself up and move forward. It is your choice. The time and effort it takes to complain is time wasted. This is time that you could have used to focus on change. You hold your destiny in your hands, the power to change and the ability to overcome.

Are you ready to stop the pity parties and move on to a better and healthier self esteem? Are you ready for changes to happen in your life? Are you ready to take the next step and start the change? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you are well on your way. Let's explore your areas of change together. Sign up for a free session today!

~Back to What I Know~

What I have found is that self esteem is the root of most problems because it finds its place in so many areas of our lives. Our self esteem affects the way we behave and react to others. Self esteem is also directly linked to our confidence level and our self image. For a long time I suffered the effects of low self esteem. I did not think so highly of myself. This affected my work – I could not advance in my career. I was always comparing myself to others because I felt that I did not add up or make the cut. I never went out for things that interested me because I was afraid of not being accepted. I was faced with these types of challenges most of my life. My self esteem issues also affected me in my relationships. I always settled for the guys that were beneath me. I don't say this to be mean, but the relationships I chose were more so out of a need to be in relationship – looking for acceptance. I wanted to be accepted by someone and loved by someone. I was not secure in the love I had from my family – I thought their love was somehow forced because I was family.

As you can see my self esteem issues hindered me in many areas. As I started out on this journey to find out who I was I gained a lot of insight into the self esteem issue. Speaking from a spiritual standpoint alone – it was a hindrance to me fulfilling the destiny God had for me. I did not see myself as His word said – "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." This too is one of the areas I am gifted in – releasing the destiny that God has on the inside of each woman I work with. In an article I wrote – 5 Key Points to Building Self Esteem, I give five key points that helped me transform my self esteem. Over the next several days I will look at each of these points closely and go into more detail. Look out for the following post topics:

Stop the pity party!

Change Your Speech!

Love Yourself!

Surround Yourself With Positive People!

Everything is a Process!

 

As a life coach I am here to help you walk through the process and see you through to the end. Sign up for a free session today!

 

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~Why I Am Passionate~

Self-esteem is a subject that I have researched and researched. I wanted to know what type of help and resources were out there. As a Life Coach I deal in the area of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-image. This journey started with my own personal experiences in these areas. You see, I was always the one that was in the background never wanting to be seen. The reason for this was that I always felt inadequate as a person. I did not have confidence in my appearance, speech, and overall personality. These feelings had no bearings on my characteristics or my personality, but I had no clue. I would watch my cousins and friends flourish personally and socially with no trouble at all. It seemed to me that they had all the confidence in the world. They did not seem to fear being labeled or misunderstood. For me, these were the things that kept me in fear of trying. Social interactions were events that I shied away from.

I was born into a large family of cousins, aunts and uncles. They were known in a lot of areas both in and out of the secular world. When I was introduced or was in a setting with them I always got – you are a Hogan? I haven't seen you before! All the time I would think, I've been around, just in the background as usual. The truth of the matter was I did not have enough confidence in myself to speak up at social events. I lacked the confidence to display my knowledge on certain subjects. My low self-esteem kept me from having meaningful relationships – therefore always settling for less. My desire not to be seen always gave the impression that I was unapproachable and an unpleasant person to be around.

As I look back on many events that happened in my life I began to see a pattern of behavior that kept me from moving forward. I would get so excited about things learned (new skills, information to advance) and want to put them to use. I would start implementing things and as soon as I hear a less then encouraging comment from someone, I immediately decide to quit. These comments could have been from loved ones and enemies – it did not matter. I relied on what others said about me and their perception. Back then I was not even sure what self esteem was, let alone how to build it.

This also affected my relationships with the opposite sex and my ability to build lasting friendships.  I would always find myself settling for relationships that caused me more harm than good.  I went from one bad relationship after another - one failed dream after another. Over the next several days I will pour out my heart, giving you insight to my own personal journey to a healthy self-esteem - striving in business, relationships and personal relationship with God.                                                                            

Tell me your experience:

Have you ever felt inadequate as a person?

Have you desired to pursue a dream, but lacked the confidence?

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to live a fulfilling life, pursuing your dreams?

 

 

 

 

 

 

~ The Result of Bad Relationships ~

Suffering from one bad relationship to the next left me feeling low.  These relationships changed the way I felt about myself.  My view of myself changed drastically.  My once self assured personality was now gone.  My ability to rise above setbacks, was no longer.  My desire to be the best and look the best was gone.  For the first time, in a long time, I had low self-esteem.

It all happened so quickly - before I even knew it was happening.  Everyone else had notice.  I had heard comments from others, but it did not click in my head until I looked in the mirror and did not know who I was. Even my facial features looked different.  My hair had fallen out and I had gained a tremendous amount of weight.

What had happened to me? The person I once knew and loved was gone.  How did I let this happened?  Most importantly, how can I get the old me back?  I am sure that many of you have found yourself in similar situation, or maybe you're in a similar situation now.

There a many ways to build up your self esteem.

• Positive Confession
• Change your thinking
• Develop a support system
• Find your unique purpose
• Learn to love yourself
• Get rid of bad relationships

I know all of these things may not happen overnight, but remember practice makes perfect.

~ Distorted Perception ~

Perception is the process of attaining awareness or understanding of sensory information.  To put it plainly it is what we perceive things to be.  Many women deal with distorted perceptions of who they are and what they look like.  How many times have you asked a person how you looked and they had all positive things to say, but you see something totally different?  We can often be our own worst critic.

I asked women all the time what they see when they look into the mirror and it always amazes me the negative things they have to say.  If I asked you to tell me three things that you would change about yourself you would tell me with not problem.  If I asked you to tell me three things you loved about yourself you would probably get stuck after number one.

Power of Words

One night as I sat in my living room enjoying the peace and quiet of everyone sleeping, I began thumbing through a book about body-image.  As I started taking some of the test and quizzes I started remembering a moment where my negative body image began.  As a little girl I remember sitting in my backyard with some friends talking and laughing.  My best friend at the time was a tall, slender, light skinned African American girl that all the guys liked.  Some guys from around the block were in there backyard looking over the fence into my yard.  I remember being introduced and the boy saying “She’s Black” with disgust in his voice.  For the first time I felt inferior to my light skinned friend. 

My self-esteem shot down two degrees that day; I remember the hurt and the sudden feeling of insecurity.  I eventually got over it, but always had bouts of insecurity.  A few years later I remember being out of town with some friends at a church convention sitting outside my hotel in the sun by myself.  I was enjoying the sun and the peace of being to myself when a young man walking pass me said, “you already black enough.”  He was referring to me being in the sun and getting darker.  My self esteem shot down two more degrees.  That day the hurt really set in and days, months and years of insecurities set in.  I lived and moved on, but my life was forever changed.  The fear of what others might think of me set in.  I only felt good when other had something nice to say about me.  My self esteem improved when others approved of me.  All of a sudden my happiness depended on others. 

All the negative things people said began to take shape and formed my self-image, body-image and self-esteem.  Words have power – the bible says that life and death is in the power of the tongue.  With your tongue you have the ability to build, encourage, lift up and produce greatness in others.  Before you form your lips to say a word to someone make sure it’s to build and not tear down.

The Power To Succeed

Everyone wishes and hopes to gain the power to succeed.  This power is on the inside of each and every one of us.  The key is to know how to tap into it or unlock its power.  Building self-esteem has a major part of to play in unlocking the power.  Why self-esteem? What does self-esteem have to do with gaining this power? Glad you asked as we have discussed many times before, self-esteem affects everything you.  It gives you the ability to succeed.

                For example, take a person that has poor self-esteem, they will lack the self confidence needed to be successful. They are either worried about what people think about them or they have a poor view of who they are.  This poor view disables them and keeps them feeling inadequate. Think about that one person on your job that barely speaks up for themselves, allows others to determine their mood for the day.  The person that’s not satisfied with their current position, but too afraid to try anything different.  This person's self esteem keeps them from unlocking the power inside them to succeed.

                By building self esteem we are gaining confidence.  When you are confident you possess the ability to succeed.  It’s about changing your perspective or your perception of who you are.  If you view yourself as a person that deserves better then you will seek better things.  If you are confident in who you are and what you are capable of doing then you’re not afraid to reach for the stars. A simple thing like self esteem holds the power to make us or break us.  Where is your self esteem level? Do you lack the power to succeed?

Five Key Points to Building Self-Esteem

 A major key to building self-esteem and developing a healthy body image is loving who you are.  I know, it is easier said than done.  This is a hard task when you are constantly inundated with negative thoughts and feelings about you.  Getting to a healthy self-esteem or body image will not happen overnight.  Just like anything else it will take some work, but it can be accomplished.

The first thing you need to do is stop the pity party.  You know what I am talking about those moments that you sit, cry and complain about what’s not right.  You make your own happiness.  What I mean by that is you have a choice to be happy or sad.  You can choose to waddle in self pity or you can pick yourself up and move forward.  It is your choice.

The second thing is change your speech or the things you say about yourself.  When you look into the mirror what do you see? Is the first thing that pops into your head something negative? Is the first thing you say something negative about the way you look?  Stop! It is time to focus on the positive things, the good attributes.  Focus on what you like and build from there.

The third thing you can do is love on yourself.  Do something that makes you feel good.  Pamper yourself, take a nature walk, whatever it is make sure it is something you love and enjoy doing. This not only makes you feel good, it also shows everyone else that you love yourself and take pride in who you are.

The fourth thing you should do is surround yourself with positive people.  Build a support network.  These are people that have your best interest at hand.  Your support network can consist of family and friends that will build you up and encourage you when you are down.  They will tell you the truth in love so that you continue to grow as a person.  This is important and key to your transformation.

The fifth thing is understanding that everything is a process.  These things will not fall into place overnight.  You have to work at them.  If you have a bad day, don’t go back to the pity parties.  Remember tomorrow is a new day and you can start over.  Don’t give up!

Become a Better You - Telecourse

.....is all about being the best that you can be, It is self-reflection and recognizing the good and the bad

Through this telecourse you will learn....

• How to build relationships
• How to be happy with you
• How to express yourself
• How to resolve personal conflict
• How to be calm in times of change and much, much more....

When, where and how.....

Telecourse/Webcast
Every Monday @ 7pm EST

Starts:  Wednesday, June 1, 2009
Ends: Monday, June 29, 2009

Total Cost: $25.00
Valued @ $300

Sign up by clicking the 'pay now' button below

Try Something New

Have you ever been afraid to try something new? 

It’s pretty normal for all of us to feel timid when we want to try something new. The basic fear of failure is crippling. There are some who even fear getting what they want and finding out that it’s not really as great as they dreamed it to be.

Most people are afraid to fail. This is understandable and can be solved by simply first trying something simple like a new recipe, computer program or the basics of a new language.  Whatever you decide make sure that it is simple and realistic. If you master it then think of the energy boost you will have!  Slowly you will start getting the confidence and courage to try something else.  A few more of this and you will be confident enough to try whatever goals you want to accomplish

Whatever fear you have, challenge yourself to face the obstacles. Problems are always there and so are their solutions. One thing easy to do that can help a lot is to have some sort of a song or an affirmation like: “I want to be ____ and I choose to do ____ to achieve this.” It verbalizes your thoughts and helps you focus on the correct way to pull it off. There will be times when you’ll get some setbacks but take it slow and cut yourself some slack and try again. Eventually, you will get it.