The Total Makeover

~My Thoughts – October 30, 2009~

Self-esteem isn't a lesson you teach; it's a quality you nurture.

What does it say about a person that constantly illuminates the negative in a person and diminishes the positive?

So often we fail to see the greatness in others. It is as if we are too close to see the unique qualities that they posses. We step on their dreams and quash their goals all because we are standing too close. Take a few steps back and ask God to help you see the greatness He's placed in those around you, especially in our children, husbands, wives, brothers and sisters.

Whose greatness can you recognize today?

~Keeping Your Relationship Fresh~

Plunging in a relationship is not always a blissful walk. There will always be ups and downs and several bumpy roads while trudging along. And with the inflating cases of divorce and break ups, it is sometimes inevitable not to wonder about the reality of a happy ending. Good news is there are several techniques that you can use to keep the flame of love burning or even give it a boost if it's already on the rocks.

• Always Reminisce the First Time. Remembering the first time the two of you met, your first date, your first kiss, and all your other first times is a sweet way to bond and relive your memories together.

 

• Flirt. Just because you're already going steady doesn't mean that you can no longer flirt with each other. Ever wondered why your boyfriend finds it exciting to be with another woman even if the two of you are already in a relationship? What does this other woman have that you don't? Perhaps it's the charm or the seduction that you used to have but eventually lost since you've been a couple. The same goes with the relationship between a husband and a wife. What is the usual quality of mistresses? The common denominator is their ability to flirt with guys. So slip on a sexy outfit the next time you and your husband go out.

 

• Stop Digging up the Past. Leave those excess baggage's at the front door before entering into a new relationship. Arguments must also be settled once and for all, and never reheat the same issue for breakfast. Going back to the same topic time and again can be exhausting and can even add more damage to the relationship. Resolved issues must be placed inside a locked chest box and thrown away.

 

• Keep the Surprises Coming. Surprises keep the relationship exciting, and they also give you something to look forward to each day. You don't have to spend much to surprise your loved one. Just perform an ordinary act in an extraordinary manner. The regular usually becomes special depending on how it was executed. Singing for him on his birthday in front of his friends, even if you can't carry a tune, is really sweet. And leaving a simple note on your husband's mirror the morning before he wakes up is definitely heartwarming.

 

• Take Time to Have a Hearty Talk. Sweet nothings are definitely something that couples can't have enough of. But why not try to plunge into an intense discussion or an insightful debate about anything under the sun. Trust me; you'll get to know your significant other better.

 

• Stop Pushing Each Other. Quit pressuring each other by demanding too much time and attention. You each have your own life to manage and asking too much of what he can give you is straining. If he can't come and see you tonight then try to understand. Perhaps he's just really busy. Don't add to the yoke by incessantly nagging him. If are married it is important to spend time together and also respect each others space.

 

• Get Some Time Off. Give each other a breather by having some time off. Calling and seeing each other 24/7 can be too much. Wouldn't it be nice if you leave room to long for your significant other? Making him your world can be unhealthy at times. You have a life of your own so don't make him the center of it.

 

• Compromise. It's not about who wins or loses. You are not in a competition where one should emerge as victor and the other as loser. Learn the art of compromising because if you won't, you will get nowhere with all the arguments and squabbles you are getting into. Don't wait for your partner to swallow his pride and come up to you to say, "I'm sorry." Be mature enough to do the first move if you think that it's the only way to end up the spat. Pointing out whoever caused the disagreement doesn't matter anymore. Discuss the reason of the misunderstanding and talk it out like grownups. Stop putting the blame on someone.

 

~Miraculous Mindset~

So the glass is half empty. The glass is half full. Blah Blah Blah…

A miraculous mindset is not about being happy. It's not about being 'positive'.

So what is a miraculous mindset?

It is what sets you apart from the rest of the herd. It can create unheard of opportunities. It can create what some would say are . . . miracles.

So how can you achieve such a mindset?

Great question:

In order to get to the miraculous mindset, you've got to start now and with extreme focus.

 

Do this:

 

Totally Focus Nonstop for a Month:

If you have a goal, dream or even if you want to test this concept, give it one month. For one month, focus totally on what you want. If you pray – pray. If you meditate – meditate. How ever you can get into the strongest focus possible – do that.

 

Do it for one month.

 

IMPORTANT: Do NOT doubt that it will happen. This will be a great test of faith, belief and inner strength. If you need visual help, tack up a photo of something that can help you visualize your end result.

 

You may not have it in a month. But your mindset will change.

 

For example, if you dream about a house that your income can not sustain, it may take longer than a month. But, as you have trained yourself over the month, your mindset will be shifting.

 

It's true. Old habits are hard to break. But if you're skeptical AND ARE willing to put this to the test, you will be less skeptical by the end of the month. Do not take that for granted. That's called progress.

 

Your mindset is key to achieving success in any field. Your mindset is key to accomplishing an outlandish goal. Your mindset is where it all starts. If it's not right in your mind, it can't be real in a physical sense – no matter how much you may want it.

 

Try it. Focus. Believe. It's more than the law of attraction. It's the miracle of your mindset.

~Self Confidence and Happiness~

Self confidence is described as a positive state of being and is very important to achieve success. Learning to trust yourself is a key element: trust in your own attributes, your strengths, and your decision-making skills. And because we don't really get everything we want in this world, self-confidence will also help you handle failure without breaking down.

Self Confidence is Faith

The very core of self confidence is faith. Believing in your own power to make things happen will provide you a real sense of self worth. Simply put, regardless of how tough the road to success is, you can gracefully overcome it if you have faith in yourself. This will provide you the feeling of self-worthiness, especially if you have finally reached your goals.

Self Confidence Is Finding Your Own Happiness

Being self confident is also all about discovering and doing what makes you happy. When you find where you are most at ease with your environment and yourself, you become more a more efficient worker and level-headed thinker.

How to Live a Happy Life

• Live on purpose. Know why you continue living. Acknowledge them and find ways to make them alleviate your sense of well being. Find activities that will lift your morale, or things that will lead you to your real happiness.

 

• Find your happiness today. Why wait for someone to make you feel special and happy when you can find it today? Find happiness within you. After all, happiness all starts within you.

 

• Be responsible in running your life. As the adage says, 'You are the captain of your own ship.' Don't let other people decide for you. Run your own life. Create emotions based from reality. You can find happiness by being responsible in your own actions and when failures come, you know no one to blame but you.

 

• Anticipate Happiness. Have a positive outlook in life. Having an optimistic attitude will help you find success and happiness all the more. The more you anticipate for good things to come, the more likely you can attain it.

 

• Act with Courage. Boldly take challenges and try to outsmart difficulties and challenges that may come your way. Be confident that despite of possible adversities, you will still manage to stand up a whole and a better person.

 

• Shape your connections. Try not to separate yourself from the others. There are times when being dependent with your friends helps a lot.

 

• Read and learn. Keep in mind that you also grow not only with the people you meet but also by the books that you read. Try to read inspirational books that showcase inspiring stories about success and happiness.

 

Try to find your own happiness and discover your inner self confidence. Take time to evaluate yourself and learn that happiness starts within you.

~Anger Management: The End of the Rope~

Some people find it hard to control their anger, that more often than not, they throw a fit and even become physically violent. Nevertheless, you have total control of your feelings. As a guide for you on how to do that, here are some simple steps to remember so you don't let anger take you over.

Breathe and Count to Ten. When on the verge of losing your wits, it is much better to pause for a while, count to ten until you have released all the tension inside. This actually works, trust me.

Shut up. When you feel like bursting and you have the intense urge to shout at the top of your lungs, bite your tongue to avoid adding fuel to the fire. Cool down first before you say anything. Keep in mind that it takes time to build a relationship and only a word to wreck it. Be careful with what you say so you won't regret anything in the end.

Think of the Possible Consequences. I know that making your mind work, especially when you're fuming, is hard. Nevertheless, exercising control over your emotions will do wonders. It's just mind over matter. Think of the possible consequences if you act on your anger. Try to visualize the things that might happen if you do something borne of your anger. Will a breakup ensue or will you leave a bad impression among your friends as soon as you start spewing hurtful words? Through pausing to think, you will be able to stall your emotions while the anger subsides. Be mature enough to take responsibility in the actions you do and the words you say. As the Chaos theory puts it in the movie "The Butterfly Effect," "Everything, even the flap of a butterfly's wings can cause chaos" so be wary of what you say and do, as it will affect everything that will happen in the future.

Detach Yourself and Do Something Else. If you find it rather hard to zip your mouth when infuriated, walking away from the situation in the meantime might work for you. In this way, you prevent yourself from lashing out on people around you. When your anger has cooled, talk things over with the person you are angry with like the adults that you are. Take a walk in the park or write in your journal to let go of your emotions. Keeping your emotions bottled up might lead to heart ailments, but going the other extreme and exploding is also as harmful. Allowing yourself to explode may damage your relationships. Walking away doesn't mean that you won't address the issue at hand or suppress your emotions forever. This means distracting yourself from extreme anger, calming yourself down, and then dealing with the issue when you are more capable. Later, when you are ready to, you can process your emotion by naming it for what it is, acknowledging you indeed were hurt or offended, forgiving the person and yourself, then asking that person for forgiveness, if need be, then moving on.

Exercise Your Power to Choose. Remember, you have the will to choose. You have the will and the power to choose, even in anger. Try to imagine this scenario. You are in a crowded mall when someone accidentally stepped on your newly-polished toenails. You are about to yell at that creep when you suddenly realized that it was your crush. Don't be a hypocrite: even if you're fuming mad, you will most likely want to flash your sweetest smile and assure him that you're perfectly fine. Fine too, your toes would be, despite the searing pain and the toe-flesh turning purple. So you see, you have absolute power to control your anger. Thus, stop saying that emotions are involuntary and they're hard to restrain and manage. On the contrary, they are totally subject to your will. You hold the choice. Don't be a victim of uncontrolled emotions. Practice wielding control over them now.

~Four Tips to Self Empowerment~

We all face hardships at some point in our lives. Some of us own responsibility and get on with our lives while most of us blame others. When you own responsibility for yourself you empower yourself. You are the cause and your life experiences are the results in your life. You determine the direction of your life. You are in control of your life.

If you are not able to explain why your life is as it is, you are probably giving your power away to someone else, are you? Most of us tend to blame something else or someone else or our fate for all bad experiences in our life such as abusive childhood, loss of a loved one or broken relationships. When you are not in control of yourself or your life that means you are powerless. Blaming is a disempowering emotion.

 

If you think by blaming others for your life you are getting away from problems you are completely wrong. Your life problems would stay the same and recur again and again as long as you make someone else responsible for your life. You give others power to control you and your life. So your life problems would tend to stay the way they are until you take back your power and claim full responsibility for your emotions, actions and life as a whole.

 

True empowerment is taking responsibility for your life so that you are free to do whatever you want to do and be anything you choose to be.

 

Here are 4 tips to empower you:

 

• Make your own choices - Life is full of choices and you have the freedom to choose. You learn only through trial and error. Be bold and accept the outcome of your decisions. If your choice is correct, be happy. If not do not blame yourself or others. Instead, analyze where you went wrong and correct yourself. The next time around, you may be able to make the right choices.

 

• Practice deep breathing - If you make it a habit to practice deep breathing throughout the day, you would have clarity in your thoughts. You feel more relaxed to think clearly and make good judgments of your situations.

 

• Feel grateful - Gratitude is something we never show for many things we enjoy in our life. Instead of cursing your problems look around you and realize how blessed you are to have nature bestow you good health, sunshine, food, good relationships, fresh air, etc. When you feel grateful for these things you are convinced that life is not bad at all.

 

• Developmental awareness - Observe your thoughts. Are they good or bad? Are they positive or negative? If your thoughts are positive it is good. You could act on them with positive results. What if you have negative thoughts? You could still control them if you are aware of them. Empower yourself by being aware of your good and bad thoughts.

 

When you deal with your own pains and pleasures you are the controller of your life. Just know that no one else could take away your power to control your life and events because you are the master of your destiny.

~Stress Management: The Working Mom~

I came across this article provided by an organization that I am affiliated with and I thought that I would share.

Making a choice between staying home and working full-time poses a major dilemma for mothers, but experts now say it shouldn't. Studies have shown working moms and their stay-home counterparts each brought unique contributions to children's character formation.

In the past, being a working mom was almost always equated with a stressful life. Who wouldn't say so, anyway? You wake up earlier than the rest of the family to prepare the kids' meals and get them ready for school, after which you ready yourself for a day of stress at work, only to end the day with another kind of challenge, that is, picking your usually cranky kids from school, making their dinners, ensuring that they've done their homework and putting them to bed.

And that's just the motherly duties. We still haven't mentioned the wifely and the homemaker parts. It seems like a life of eternal work, work, work. However, it really isn't.

Motherhood is a role that entails a good balance between care giving and self-fulfillment. A mother's positive self-image, whether it be brought about by exposure to the workplace or fulfillment from manning the home front, results in positive interaction with well-adjusted children. Children of working mothers do as well as those of stay at home mothers.

Child development: The good

- Positive attitude about work

As primary models to young learners, parents pass on their outlook about work and responsibility to their children, whether they intend to or not. Children see the value of contributing to society, and will then strive to apply themselves in the same way.

- Absorb the value of responsibility and independence

When parents share with their children what is enjoyable about their jobs, as well as the difficulties often encountered, they help their kids form their own notion of work, plus the responsibility that work entails.

- Share equal relationship with both parents

The amount of time spent by both parents with the children is almost the same. Both are working, and both will want to spend time with the kids. Mom will cease to be labeled as the only nurturer whom kids bond with emotionally. Dad may take his share of emotional bonding, as mom does her share of providing financially. The positive effects of working moms are multiplied when fathers partake in child care and in household matters.

 

The bad

- May feel apprehensive

Tension at work plus the pressure to keep the household and the kids at their best increases stress. Kids can sense this tension and become reluctant toward their own moms, which may lead to a less open line of communication between the two.

The level of stress a mother feels as a result of physical or emotional exhaustion, dissatisfaction, or discontent (either at home or in the office) is unknowingly passed on to her child. This stress is eventually translated to children's poor physical and psychological health.

- May become detached

You emotional bond with your child is shaped during the first year of your child's life. Early attachment or detachment from parents, especially mothers, has a lasting emotional effect on children. Whoever answers to children's needs and takes on major part in their care during the early years of their life makes a deep impression.

If a mother's work takes her away from the child physically, chances are that the child will see the mom as a stranger or a "guest" who visits every so often. Toddlers may even become fearful of their own mothers simply because they don't recognize them.

- May become too demanding

Whether they feel guilty for not being there most of the time, or because of eagerness to hold their kids, many working moms feel disposed to showering their kids with presents. Having worked so hard, the working mom tends to give little care to money spent. The danger is, when a child finds that his or her parents are appeasers, it doesn't satisfy him or her – and it makes the child greedy.

While showing affection and sociability may come naturally to moms, children must understand that moms are also capable of irritability due to exhaustion. Moms don't have to shower their kids with gifts to compensate for lost time. Setting the right time balance allotted for the kids often works wonders already. Set a special time for bonding, or communicate frequently. Also, guilt should never precede better parenting judgments

~The Confidence Cure~

Confidence is the answer to a lot of life's failures. It's true!

That's not to say it's 100% but it definitely is cure an overwhelming. Chances are, you could benefit from this cure.

Here's a fact. Take two people:

Person #1:

This person has a mediocre talent but a high level of confidence.

Person #2:

This person has a high level of talent with mediocre confidence.

 

Now person number one will outperform, succeed faster and receive more recognition than person number two.

Why?

Because: (1) the more confident person has the confidence to be bold. (2) the more confident person probably believes in him/herself more than the less confident person. (3) the more confident person looks past any fear of screwing up, embarrassment or failure. (4) the less confident person hasn't found that the reward of the risk is greater than the comfort of the calmness.

Confidence and comfort do not belong in the same camp. Sure, you can be comfortable if you're on stage talking to thousands of people. But I would guess, if you are, that wasn't always the case.

You can sing The Star Spangled Banner before the ballgame in a jammed packed full stadium and still be comfortable. But I would bet that the first time you even stood up in front of even a few people, you were less than comfortable.

 

Choose your situation.

What can you think of that would cause you to curl up and vomit before you attempted? Chances are there are people who faced those same circumstances and felt the same way before moving forward and eventually creating confidence.

That's right. . . "creating confidence".

That means your confidence – or lack of it – is the direct cause of your action (or lack of it). That also means, if you are lacking the confidence in doing something, but you know you can do it, then you need to take action.

Look at this formula (I call it the CARS formula): C = A + R + S

Here's what it means: Confidence = Action + Risk + Success

Where most people get hung up is the 'Success' part of that formula. Because if they don't hit that part of the formula, that means they failed. But what they don't realize is failure is not an event. It's a state of mind. If they don't get back up and try again, they're right. They failed.

Confidence comes from risk and action. Period.

Want to be confident?

Do. Move. Take Action. Risk it. Decide. Choose. Succeed. Persevere. Go For It. Believe. Jump. Create. Build. Draw. Speak. Live. Love. Be. Give. Accept. Write.

 

~ Five Ways to fall in Love with You~

Isn't it funny when you always tell others that you are a person full of love, when, on the contrary, you can't even answer point blank if you really love yourself? When people are in love, they always announce to the world how they love their partners more than their selves. But this is not the real concept of being in love; because how can you love others when you don't love yourself first? Below are some tips on how to create a lifetime romance with yourself.

 

1.  Believe That You're a Lovable Person. Upon waking up in the morning, face the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are, despite of your rugged look and messy hair. Doing this before you jumpstart your day will give you a positive atmosphere to last the whole day through.

 

2. Don't Be Harsh on Yourself. Stop criticizing yourself. So what if you don't have the body people will envy? So what if you don't have that many smart quips that make people laugh? And so what if your friend has a better job than you? Accept yourself as you are and recognize that you are special no matter how others think about you. Treat yourself as you would someone you love. Remember, you are a "Somebody" and not a "Nobody."

 

3. Take Care of Your Health. The body is the temple of your soul, so take care of it. Doing things that are hazardous to your health just means you are not concerned about your body. Eating food that are high in cholesterol, when you know you have a heart problem, is not a good practice. Staying until the wee hours of the morning until you tire your body out is a bad habit. This also goes to drinking too much alcohol, smoking, or worse, taking drugs.

 

If you really care about your body and you want it to look its best, exercise or attend a gym class. However, if working out also stresses your muscles too much, stop. Also starving yourself to death just to attain the figure you want is a big no-no. If you really care about yourself, you must first learn to take care of your body.

 

4. Date Yourself. Spend some time alone. Toss that planner away and set an appointment with yourself for the whole day. Take the time to go to the park alone, watch a movie by yourself, or go to your favorite restaurant and order your best-loved dessert. Dating yourself is a surefire way to bond with your inner-psyche and will help give you a sense of independence.

 

5. Forgive Yourself. Learn to forgive yourself for all your past mistakes. Everyone, even once in their life, commits errors. You can accept that nobody is perfect. But the best way to deal with it is to learn from it and then tell yourself that it's okay.

 

~Clarifying Your Goals for Greater Success~

A goal is like a compass. It helps you focus on where you want to go in life and make positive progress to get there. However, it's important to remember that you need clarity in your goals from time to time. You'll want to make it as easy as possible for you to reach them.

It may take some more time on your part, but when you write out detailed instructions for yourself instead of vague ideas, you have a much better chance at success. Not only do you know exactly what you need to do, but such plans also tend to invigorate you with more enthusiasm.

Follow these tips in order to clarify your goals:

• Figure out your ultimate goal. What, exactly, do you want?

 

Instead of a goal like "I want to be successful," get down to specifics, such as "I want to own my own business which brings in at least $10,000 per month."

 

• Don't be afraid of detail. You make the ultimate decision on what you want. Just don't be afraid to set the details. Avoid goals like "I want to be rich" because there is no detail.

 

How much money do you want to make?

Why? What will this money provide for you that you desire?

What lifestyle do you want? Cars, homes, ability to travel the world, philanthropy?

How do you want to earn this money?

When do you want this to happen?

How can you prepare for this?

 

• Break up your goals. When you stare at the ultimate goal, it may seem intimidating and unattainable. It's important to break up your main goal into smaller goals. Write out detailed plans about how you'll reach each of the smaller goals.

 

For example, if you want to start your own business, a small goal would be to research your local and federal business laws and register a name.

 

• Give yourself deadlines. It's vital to give yourself deadlines so you know you're making progress towards your goals. Each of your small goals should have an attainable deadline.

 

In the business example above, maybe you'd give yourself a week's time in order to research different business structures and laws.

 

• Keep track. Make detailed notes about what you have done so far. Keeping track of your progress will help you stay organized and on top of your goals.

 

• Make alternate plans. Sometimes you won't be able to make the deadline you have set out for yourself, or maybe you'll be unable to follow through with a current plan entirely. It's important to think of alternatives in case certain situations don't work out in your favor. If you already have back up plans in place, you'll save time if you run into snags on the way to your goals.

 

Get Organized

Organization can mean keeping all of your detailed plans and journals in a binder with tabs for easy access to your various sets of notes. Alternatively, you may opt to keep your materials organized by using project management software on your computer. Just remember to make backups of your digital information so that you don't lose it.

No matter what method you've chosen, determine the details, set small attainable goals that lead toward your ultimate goals, be flexible so you can conquer challenges, and keep track of your progress. Doing these things will bring you ultimate clarity and success.