The Total Makeover

The Storms of Life

    As I think about the recent events that have occurred in our world today the one scripture keeps coming to mind:

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16:26 (NIV)

It is a sad thing when you covet what the world has and get caught up in what the world has to offer. The truth is that death has no age limit, as we see with the passing of Whitney Houston.

    I grew up listening to Whitney and have always loved her music, but my heart was sadden when I heard that she had passed away at the age of 48. Forty-eight! Really! That is young in my book. She let the storms of life dictate her actions. This is a very scary thing because life can throw many curve balls and if we are not careful we will just sit and take the hits.

    All those that know me know that I grew up in a strict Christian home and I was taught the difference between right and wrong. However, I did not always adhere to the teachings my parents gave me. I went off to do my own things and got caught up in the storms of life. Certain events took place in my life that I am not proud of, but it led me to get involved in other things that I am so not proud of doing. It took some time for me to realize that I was letting circumstances dictate my actions.

    I have said all that to say this……as women (being the emotional beings that we are) we allow our emotions to dictate our actions good or bad. We kind of go with the flow of the atmosphere. Today, I want you to take a stand and decide that no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what the enemy tries to throw at you, you will take a stand and decide to live your life without sacrificing your soul.    

Before the Children Came

Before the children came I was a vibrant, energetic and sexy woman. After the children arrived I was less vibrant, a little less energetic and so far removed from sexy! As I stated in one of my previous blogs post "Getting Back to Sexy" it is easy to lose sight of the woman inside after having children.

Let me just say that I love my children dearly and could not imagine my life without them. They bring a joy to my life that I cannot put into words. So, when I say my life was different before they arrived does not mean that I wish my life without them.

My life was carefree and I did what I wanted whenever I wanted to before the children came. Even after marrying my husband – with no children- we did things like, get up early and go to breakfast. We didn't have to get anyone else ready but ourselves.

After having children my energy left and I didn't have the big smile my husband so loved when he arrived home from work. All I could muster up was a "hey" as he walked through the door. Still in my lounging clothes and hair tied up. Who has time to dress, do hair and put on make-up when you have three children 13, 9 & 4 that are home all day because you homeschool! I understand how easy it is to get lost in a daily routine. Below are some things that might help you organize your day and put some pep in your step.

Set time limits – This is something that I had to learn the hard way. I am an overachiever and it is easy to get caught up in what I am doing and overdo it. Set a time limit for each thing that you are doing. After the time is up – leave it alone until the next day.

Get plenty of rest – I know for mothers and wives this is sometimes easier said than done, but it can be done. I have recently made the commitment to get as much rest as possible. I arrange my day so that towards the end of the day my children and I have whine down time. This helps us come down and get our bodies ready for a good night sleep. Once the children are in bed, I spend some time with hubby and then it is off to bed for the night.

Take time for you – I can't stress this enough! I know I say it a lot, but it is so important. I find that when I take time away from my busy family to do things for myself I come back calm, relaxed and ready to conquer whatever is waiting for me at home.

Incorporate the help of children and husband – this is something I learned the hard way. I always thought that being a good wife meant that I had to be able to juggle everything. I started getting my children involved with the cooking and cleaning of the house. They were so eager to help and it took a load off of me. It also started teaching them responsibility.

Hope these tips helps activate and build the woman in you!

Identity Lost

When was the first time you realized that people didn't notice you anymore? When the people that you are around frequently only reply to you as your children's mom or your husband's wife? I will never forget when this first started happening to me. Frankly, this truly bothered me.

I was never the one that was extremely popular growing up and I was always known as my brother's sister to all those that never took the time to get to know who I was. Now, my identity was again in question. It was at this moment that I realized that I had lost sight of me – the woman. I had begun to hide behind my responsibilities and used them as an excuse to not take time for myself. I had not realized that my self-esteem had taken a nose dive.

Many women often feel the same way more often then we know. They have lost sight of the woman they once was or the woman that they had hoped to be some day. They stopped dreaming and gave in to just living to make it through the day. They hide behind taking care of husband, children and home. They even find themselves taking on more at work just to forget about lost time.

Women like to be respected and noticed. They want to be recognized and appreciated. When they don't receive these things they begin to hide behind their responsibilities hoping they will be recognized for a job well done. When this does not happen they slowly lose the 'woman' from the inside out.

Sometimes it is hard to find your identity once it is lost, but it is not impossible. Some women may feel that because they are of a certain age that it is too late to find the woman on the inside of them. So not true! If you start with some of the tips below you can be on your way to finding that woman.

• Search Yourself – Sometimes we don't take the time to sit and search ourselves. Find out what type of woman you are and woman that you always wanted to be.
• Find Your Passion – What are some things that excite you? Anything that gets you excited or that you feel strong passion for is worth exploring.
• Take time for you – I can't say this enough and I will say it over and over again until it sinks in. Taking time for you is a vital component to maintaining sanity in an insane world.

Take my advice and find the woman in you!

 

Getting Back to Sexy

One thing I have learned, after having children it is hard to get back to sexy. I laugh when I look back at all the time I wasted not feeling sexy. This may not be an issue for you, but I know after having three children, being married for 14 years, gaining weight and being a stay-at-home mom getting back to sexy was an added responsibility.

This responsibility became more of a burden every day. As I worked to keep my husband happy, children pleased and maintain the house, sexy was just not on the top of my list of task. I fell into a rut and the deeper I was in it the harder it was to get out. I became comfortable with my oversized clothes, jogging outfits, flats, and moo moo's. This was definitely not who I was before I got married and not what attracted my husband to me. Can you imagine the things that were going through his head as I slowly slipped into his mother?

Just let me say, I love my mother-in-law and have nothing against her style of dress, but I'm sure my husband didn't want to lie next to a replica of his mother at night. He wanted that woman that turned him on when we were dating and the woman that continued after we said "I do" – you know, before the children.

Here are some things you can do to slowly get back to sexy:

• Get rid of the moo moo's – I laugh at this because these were the very words my husband said to me as I showed him what his mom had given me. I thought they were nice, big and comfortable. This is what I looked for when lounged around the house after a long day. Oversized clothing does not necessarily mean comfort. You can find clothing that fit nicely, compliment your curves and still maintain comfort.
• Pamper Yourself – When we become wives and mothers we often put our needs or wants on the back burner. We spend our time taking care of others and neglect ourselves. Take time to get your hair done, get a manicure and pedicure. Doing these things can make you feel good and look good.

Getting back to sexy will take some time, but with time and effort you will be Back to Sexy in no time!

Out of “Esteem”

Have you ever felt that you could be better, look better, or even feel better about yourself? Have you had moments where you have felt inadequate or just less t han qualified? Have you lacked motivation or
confidence?

I am sure that the answers to some of the questions above are yes. Everyone has had these moments once, twice and more times than they care to share. I have found that this issue is more prevalent than we know. This is an issue of Esteem – Self-Esteem.

After I had my children I remember the feelings of low self-esteem. My self-esteem issues traveled through everything I did. It manifested through the way I dressed, talked and took care of myself. It was obvious to everyone that I was out of 'esteem,' but me. The truth is I just did not feel attractive and desirable anymore. Instead of trying to look sexy and attractive to my husband, I chose to put on clothing that was not becoming because they were comfortable. I no longer went to my hair appointments and took that time to get a mani or pedi.

When you're out of 'Esteem' you are out of alignment. Self-esteem affects every area of our lives from relationships to job performance. Self-esteem is vital and is the foundation of a positive attitude towards life and living. You can't build self esteem over night - it is an area that is built and nourished with time.

Take the time to build your self esteem and watch the changes that will begin to happen in your life.    

 

The Woman in You

Growing up my mother always told me to be an individual and stop trying to be like everyone else. As little girls we try to fit in so we would be noticed by others. We try to get in with the "In Crowd" to become popular. This meant that we needed to be more like that crowd – do what they did, dress like they dressed and talk like they talked. In doing these things we decreased the ability to develop who we were from the inside out.

It is so important to take the time to develop a healthy self-esteem, self-image and build confidence in you as an individual. Finding that woman on the inside is vital to inner happiness and peace. Finding the woman in you is about embracing the person that you were made to be. It is accepting your unique qualities and welcoming the difference that makes you distinctive.

Where is the woman in you? Is she crying to get out? Is she hidden behind a lifetime of disappointments and failures? Is she lost in the - should've could've would've? It's time to find that woman again and give her life. Stop waiting for things to just happen. You have to get up and make things happen. You have to start with taking your life back – building your self-esteem, transforming your self-image and boosting your self-confidence.

Here are some things you might consider:

1. Stop the pity parties – there's no time to waddle in the pool of disappointments and failures. There is nothing you can do about the past. Move on and start a new chapter in your life.
2. Look good, feel good – Start changing how you view yourself by working on your appearance. Invest in some pampering. This is always a good tool in transforming your self- image.
3. Find your passion – look inside yourself and find what makes you excited. Take that passion and increase your knowledge. When you're passionate about something you are eager to learn.

These are just a few tidbits to start with as you work to find the Woman in You!

As a Woman Thinketh

Being a woman is hard enough when dealing with how you're viewed by others. It is another thing to lower yourself to the self-destroying opinions that go on in your head. People who know me know that I love to draw my common sense thinking from the Bible. Its principles can be applied to the life of anyone – Christian or non-Christian. In the Bible it states:

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he;" Proverbs 23:7a

This already tells us that our words and thoughts have power. How you think is how you live and act. If you think of yourself as unattractive – so it is. If you think of yourself as undesirable – so it is. If you think of yourself as inadequate – so it is.

I was a victim of this very thing for several years before and after I got married and had children. My self-esteem and self-image was in a very bad place. My thought life was destroying my physical life. I was depressed and stressed. I had lost sight of the woman in me. My hurt from prior relationships and weight gain from each pregnancy left me feeling less than a woman. This affected my husband, children, family and friends. I no longer dressed nice, did my hair or got my nails done. I was in a bad place!

If you're engaging in self-destroying thoughts that are now manifesting in how you live and act – It's Time to Stop! Put an end to those self-destroying thoughts and Find the Woman in You.

Free To Be You?

Have you ever felt placed in a box?

No freedom to be who you are or what you want to be?

Have you felt that you had to measure up to others expectations of you?

Are you afraid to venture out and do some things you always wanted to do because others are expecting more of you?

Do you feel suffocated or trapped between what you want and what other's expected?

I know these are loaded questions, but I want you to really take some time and think about each of them. In my practice I have notice self-esteem and self-worth issues that are related to each of these areas. For the month of August we will be discussing these issues and I invite anyone and everyone to add your commits. My endeavor is to help you through these issues with as little pain as possible. If you have a concern now would be a time to ask so we can address them. This is your time to have access to me for free. Ask your questions on my blog, facebook page, twitter and even by email. With all of this I am gathering information for a new self-esteem program. I want to help you build your self-esteem.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Kenya Johnson, M.P.G.C.

www.thetotalmakeover.com

Where Does a Bad Self-Image Come From?

As I have said before, what we think of ourselves can be traced back to the special people in our lives mainly our parents. The sins of our parents can have negative consequences in the lives of their children. (Reference: Exodus 20:5)

The numerous stories of adults who as children were exposed to parental rejection, neglect, alcoholism drug addiction, and physical and emotional abuse illustrate this point. Because children are so forgiving these things they are rarely able to escape the effects of a negligent parent. When these children grow up and experience some of these same things as adults they often struggle for the rest of their lives trying to feel good about themselves. Children that have never experienced love sometimes spend their entire lives, consciously or unconsciously, doing everything in their power to avoid being hurt again.

    People that fear rejection, often retreat into the darkness of depression, drug dependency, sexual promiscuity, and or unreasonable fears. Other's run from emotional intimacy and meaningful relationships for fear of being rejected again. The pain of running can cause a person to feel worse about themselves. The self-esteem of that person continues to decline. They began to feel bad and behave worse. Then begin to feel worse about the things they have done.

Do you agree with this post?

Did you find yourself in the descriptions given?

If yes, are you ready for a change?

The Beauty Within

It seems that these days almost everyone is focused on physical beauty. Someone's intelligence, personality, or status is all perceived by their outward appearance. So where does inner beauty fit in?

 This is a subject that I have thought long and hard about.  What is beauty?    According to the dictionary beauty is defined as: The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.  As I sat and thought about this definition - the quality that gives pleasure, I began to break it down.  Let’s define what quality is: A personal trait, especially a character trait.  When add the definition of quality to the definition of beauty it would read something like this: Beauty – the personal trait or character trait that gives pleasure to the mind or senses.

When you look at the new definition we have given to beauty you can see exactly where beauty comes from – it comes from within.  Have you ever met a person that was so appealing to the eye and when you really get to know them their personality is so horrible that they begin to look ugly on the outside?  You may not believe this but, the true beauty of a person depends a lot on their character.  Have you ever met a person that was not so good looking but, they have the most amazing personality?  This person may not have started off looking good to you, but after you get to know them they begin to look a whole lot better.

We all have beauty within, however, whether or not we're aware of it or utilize it is up to us. Inner beauty is something that's profoundly more important than physical beauty. It's something that you must nurture and cherish.

 When you develop your inner beauty, your physical beauty seems to miraculously improve as well!

 Here are some strategies that can help you discover and develop your beauty within:

 1. Make an "I Love Me" list. This is a powerful tool to help you discover the beauty within yourself. Write down all of your good qualities that don't relate to something physical. Are you sweet? Sincere? Love animals and children? All these attributes and a host of others relate to your inner beauty.

 

• The process of writing out your strengths gives you tangible evidence of your great inner qualities that you might not have even been aware of.

 2. Surround yourself with those whose inner qualities you admire. Of course, they may also have physical beauty, but the reason you're drawn to them is because they're caring, loving, gentle, or otherwise admirable because of their inner qualities.

 

• When you surround yourself with these kinds of people, your own beauty within tends to shine through also. They may even point out your inner beauty to you. People like this look beyond the outer shell and focus on what's important inside.

 3. Practice and cultivate your beauty within. Most of us know how to take care of our physical beauty: we get our nails and hair done, we stay in shape, buy new clothes, and so on.

 

• Remember, when you discover and improve the beauty you have inside, physical beauty follows. Surely you've met someone and weren't attracted to their physical beauty at first glance, but once you got to know them and saw their inner beauty, they began to be more physically attractive as well.
  
  
• What can you do to bring out your beauty within? It's simple: Be you! Show beautiful qualities like compassion, love, and patience, and practice them daily.

 4. Avoid negative talk. Gossip and negative comments about others only breeds more negativity within you. Instead, focus on the good in people. Rather than saying an off-color comment about someone's appearance, put a positive spin and focus on a point of his or her inner beauty.

 

• This will help you cultivate and develop your own beauty within, also. Focusing on the positive qualities of others brings out the best in you, too! You'll also find that you'll attract people because they enjoy being around you. Attracting loving and caring friends is just icing on the cake!

 

Final Thoughts on Your Beauty Within

 The beauty you have within is unique to you. Unfortunately though, many of us don't know how to celebrate and honor it. Unleash your inner beauty to the world! Don't be afraid of it.

 Use these tips to show everyone the beauty you have on the inside and you'll gain an amazing and unshakeable self-confidence!